The Maternity Leave

By Lídia Vilas Boas*

When I was asked to write a few lines regarding my experience as a mother of her first child, I thought (but not too much ) about not doing it, not due to personal reasons but simply because my experience would be neither the most exciting nor the most innovative one to share.

Besides, I also have a very radical opinion in relation to certain situations, for which people who are more sensitive may think I’m being very harsh and not very wise. But now that maternity is in, and that I have contributed (very little) to the birth rate, here are some loose ideas.

We are married for some time now, so, me and my husband decided to have a baby. It is not that the biological clock (that I don’t even know what it is, I confess) was already ticking, we just decided it was time. We were sure we would give up on a lot, at least in the first years, but we never imagined that it would be so complicated. Pregnancy went very well, I took the usual birth preparation lessons (for the first child) and in the end of November, Inês was finally born.

The preparation for the birth didn’t do much for me, which seems to be the situation for most people. If the system – and by “system” I mean health professionals in public hospitals – worked, no preparation would be needed. It is hard to prepare for a surprise. The lessons are useful if you want to learn to take care of the baby and learn from experiences of other moms, but that’s it. There should also be something like “Maternity Preparation Lessons” during the maternity leave.

If we have the benefit of having a long leave, why not take advantage of these days and prepare ourselves to carry out another mission – being a mother? I speak for myself: I did not enjoy my leave properly. My daughter’s colics wouldn’t let me…these have been long hours, days and months…

The truth is maternity is an option that bears a lot of fear and anxiety and everything seems to be our own, forgive me men reading this. And it’s not a decision taken in conscience. When you think about extending the family, you never think of all the consequences or bad moments. And then, your friends only alert you to the increase of the expenses, and some, to the nights we will not sleep. Come on, let’s be real: there are so many things we would wish we had.

I believe that some do not want to have children is because they enjoy the time they dedicate to themselves, in which case, we have to respect that and say it without fearing disdainful looks.
Incentives from the government or penalties won’t solve anything! I can see you laughing right now…or thinking: “This woman is nuts!”, which I’m not!! A family, whether big or small, requires great organization, dedication (of the mother, in particular), group work, mutual help, a great deal of patience and total abnegation. A smile and a yawn are, in fact, capable of making us forget about a lot of things, but let’s be honest.

Then, we also have to deal with the break we, 21st century mothers, have to take, not to mention the break and the comeback! For some, it is quite easy to start working by phone, for others, not so much. And given that we are the market leaders in terms of production of maternity leaves, I will take this chance to ask you to be tolerant with the newly-mothers that are immediately swamped with papers, new rules and different worries when they get back to work.

And if you are tired of sleeping until 10 in the morning, going to the cinema, having dinner at regular times, reading, watching T.V., going for walks, going to the gym, relaxing…have a kid! Your world will win a new meaning! :)

P.S: I should emphasize the fact that my little girl is one of the most special and important things I got. Besides, she is just beautiful, and, according to some, she looks like me!

* Collaborator of theInformation and Logistics Department